Needs to be said

Warning: This post is pretty raw and pretty disjointed. I just need to write.

This past week has been very hard for me and my family. Last Friday I lost my second father, Michael Mello. The Gill and Mello families grew up side-by-side. We were always doing things together, from beach days to birthdays to just hanging out late on school nights. When my parents went out of town during the school year, we would spend the nights at the Mellos so we could still go to school.

In 2010 Michael was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease. ALS is a “progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord” (http://www.alsa.org/). It affects everyone differently, but the end result is always the same. Unlike some diseases, ALS leaves the mind intact while it destroys the rest of the body.

Watching Michael deteriorate was hard on all of us, but especially his wife. Michael and Vickie adored each other and their love was palpable. I saw Michael only periodically, since I live in Florida. This made every time I saw him more difficult because he changed so much during our times apart.

It’s so hard to believe that he won’t be here anymore. It makes me so glad that I had 24 years with him. It makes me grateful that my sister asked him to walk her halfway down the aisle to my father at her wedding. It makes me even more appreciative that my father is still around to be a part of my life.

So right now I’m home for the next few weeks to help my family and theirs. It’s just been so hard. So emotionally draining. It will be a while before a new normal is formed.

Pixie Bakes

Oh, little blog. How I do ignore thee.

It’s not that I don’t like you.

It’s not that I don’t know what to say.

It’s not that I don’t have time to post.

It’s not you. It’s me.

Seriously, though. It’s me. I’m not just saying that. This start-a-project-then-ignore-it-after-the-initial-fun-wears-off tendency comes from my mother, who has ADHD. I start a project, get into it, and then lose interest unless there is always something new being brought to the table. For instance, I scrapbooked like crazy for a few months, ran out of pictures, and stopped for a while until I finally printed out more.

Baking and photography hold my interest because there is always something new to try: a new recipe, a new technique, a new subject. I don’t usually like how my photos of food turn out, though, so that gives me something more to try.

Off to a different topic, because I want to get to the real reason I’m posting.

After many years of making excuses, I have decided to pursue baking as a career and not just a hobby. Although I will always love aviation and flight and I hope to fly again one day, I have not been able to get a job in the field. I’ve been making due with Ruby Tuesday work and substitute teaching, and even pursued teaching science for a while, but I finally sat down and thought about what I wanted to do and realized that baking had always been my passion and that I should be more serious about it.

Some of you will say, “Finally! It took you long enough.” You may laugh like my mother, who reminded me that she always thought I should be a baker. It’s not like this was some major epiphany. I’ve been baking for years: I was the designated cake-baker for Gill-Mello birthdays from the age of 12 or so (and they were slightly altered box mixes!). I started our tradition of baking dozens and dozens of cookies at Christmas several years ago. I always hear, and have always heard, “These are delicious! When are you going to open a bakery?”whenever I bring food into work. My father gave me a Joy of Cooking book when I went to college; one boss gave me Bite-Size Desserts by Carole Bloom to inspire me.

Despite all that, I never really thought of baking professionally; it was always some dream for the future, something to think about later in life. I had just earned my Bachelor of Science in Aeronautics from a prestigious school, for goodness sake! I was going places!

I didn’t, though. I’ve been stuck in limbo. At first I was excited to teach, but always had a doubt at the back of my mind. I don’t like working with certain students: the unmotivated ones. The ones who don’t care about school or their life or anything but that day. The ones who really need help. And, dare I say it? The stupid ones. I was afraid to pursue teaching because what if I got stuck with those kids and it killed my motivation? What then?

So, I floundered. Then I finally took a co-worker up on the opportunity to bake for his wedding. I realized that this could be a chance to take a hobby that I love and do something bigger with it. I’ve already started the process at my local college to join their baking and pastry culinary class; Ruby Tuesday may also help pay for it. I also made business cards to hand out to friends. My goal is to create some word of mouth business, just locally, between people who are willing to support a new business instead of getting a grocery-store cake.

My bakery will be called Pixie Bakes. It seemed appropriate. I have all sorts of ideas of what I want it to become, but I’m starting small. Realistic. Once I get things going I want to go to local restaurants and see if they will sell my items for their desserts. Search for Pixie Bakes on FaceBook and you can ‘like’my page and see what I’m up to!

I’m excited for this new adventure and I hope I stay motivated to see it through.