Christmas!

I love Christmas. I already told you all the baking I did, which was a lot of fun. I also baked chocolate cake, peanut butter cocoa fudge, and more Linzer cookies. Now, though, I don't want a cookie for about two weeks... Boy, can Christmas make you feel unhealthy.

For CHristmas, Roy and I went up to SC and stayed with his parents and siblings. We took the rabbits, although they did not appreciate the drive. 5 1/2 hours in a cage would terrible, I agree. It was really nice to see them and Roy's friends from high school. We also got to see his extended family and my great-grandmother. I think that's the best part of Christmas, really: Seeing all the family and spending time with them.

Plus, I got some fun presents. :) I got some books I wanted, useful kitchen items, shopping money, and a variety of other great gifts.

The most mysterious one was waiting for us when we got back: A Kitchen-Aid mixer. There was no name attached with it. We searched the box and amazon.com for clues, but thus far we have a very generous anonymous gift! We gave it a few days to see if a card or something showed up, but nothing has come. I have to call around and ask, I suppose! haha

Well, now I need to go buy a knife! Happy New Year's!

BakeBakeBake

I love to bake. Cookies, bars, cakes... Most anything. I love playing with new recipes and trying different flavors...

Usually.

At Christmas, I want the new but I also want tradition. For the past several years, I have made dozens of cookies. This year I made six different kinds:
Sugar
Linzer
Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate
Double Chocolate Mint
Peppermint Drops
Red Velvet Whoopie Pies


...So far. I also want to make cupcakes, because I have really cute sugar decorations that I could decorate with. Roy also picked out a few new ones to try.

The only problem is I have eaten WAAYYYY to many of them. My stomach is staging a revolution. I had salad for lunch, and I really need to detox. But it's so difficult because they are so delicious! If I wasn't such a good baker, this would be a lot easier.

Luckily I'll be shipping most of them out tomorrow or bringing them into work. One of the best things about baking is giving most of it away. :)

Sorryyy

It was pointed out to me... about three weeks ago... that I haven't updated recently. (SHOUT OUT! to Rose, who called me out. Sorry, Rose!) I'm one of those people who do well with short term projects but not necessarily with long term ones... My bad. I'll try to do this more consistently, though.

It's not that I have nothing to write about. In general, I do. I can easily pull something out of almost every day and write about it. It's just that I don't.

Here's what's new!

Recently, my project has been Christmas cards. I made about 70 of the buggers. I actually started sometime in the summer, August perhaps. I made a handful then, more through the fall, then recently A) finished up the hot-glue-needing ones, B) finished what I thought was the remainder, and C) finished up the 15 that I still needed. Talk about a miss-count.

This project wouldn't be so bad if I didn't make them all to be unique. None are the same; most are dissimilar. A few may have a very similar style, but won't alike beyond that. I'm not complaining or anything. I really enjoy making cards... but after 30 my creativity drops a little and I have to think more about what I want to do. I make 7 to be penguins for my sorority sisters. I make about 10 that are very religious for certain members of my family. Some I make aviation-themed for certain friends. Then we have the more secular ones for other friends... It adds up. I want new material to work with. Mostly, I work with Christmas cards and wrapping paper that I cut up; the aviation-themed cards usually have old flight maps.

(Shameless begging: If you have a stash of old Christmas cards from years past... Hook me up!)

Let's seeeee... I'm still subbing, which I'll rant about soon. I'm still at Ruby Tuesday. I'm still baking at least weekly. I guess that's it for now. :) More to come!

Shots?

Last post I told you about getting an epidural in my lower back. I got it to help heal the nerves that wrap around my hip and down/across my right thigh, causing the thigh to feel sore. I was very hopeful that it would help, but thus far it hasn't made much of a difference. Some days my thigh hurts less, sometimes the same. The nice thing is that some days there is no pain. However, it is inconsistent, like before.

I must admit that I am disappointed. I really thought that this would help more. It's not that my thigh is in pain, but it certainly isn't comfortable.

I meet with the doctor in a week. Hopefully we will come up with another plan.

Shots!

Today I had an epidural in my lower back. It was not comfortable but necessary. The medicine is supposed to help my nerves heal. My nerves have been making my thigh feel as though it is constantly sore, which is no fun. Thus, an epidural was recommended.

Let me tell you about it. Don’t read if you’re squeamish.

It was not comfortable. The first part was a local anesthetic in two places. At first it hurt as a shot does: big pinch. Then the anesthetic was injected, which hurt. THEN came the medicine, which hurt and felt like pressure in the area. I could feel the medicine being injected and flowing to where it was supposed to go. It was like a worm moving through my back. I was lying there mentally chanting, “Relax. Relax. Release the back muscles. Relax.” It’s not fun having to will yourself to let go, but the alternative is more pain because the muscles are tensed.

Luckily it didn’t take long. When it was done I felt nauseated and uncomfortable. I moved to another location and they put an ice pack on the area for a bit. A physical therapist was going to put e-stim on the area, but I told her not to. I was already uncomfortable and the procedure had caused enough tension and I knew e-stim would not be good.

Now I’m just lying around on the couch. The area is feeling better, in that my back, butt, and leg don’t feel like they are being clenched unwillingly. My leg feels slightly numb, slightly tingly, and mainly uncomfortable. Almost as if the muscle was sore and then fell asleep and didn’t want to wake up. I’m resting it and hoping the medicine will sort things out by the time I work at four.

Hopefully this will help a lot. It’s supposed to, despite the discomfort now. I'm confident that it will help, but I hope it starts helping soon...

Better!

I am feeling much, much better. I was able to work on Monday with no problems and I'm looking forward to a week of working.

So, what was the problem? UTI or bladder infection, I suppose. The doctor said that the fever was too high to be normally associated with a UTI, but the antibiotics and pain killers took care of whatever the infection was. Therefore, I don't really care what it was! It's gone, and that is what matters.

I am no longer lethargic so that is nice. I'm able to bake again as well, so today I baked a ton of cookies! Peanut butter ones with Reese's Pieces and chocolate chip, caramel, almond cookies. Tomorrow I will make banana bread (unless I can today before physical therapy...).

So, I'm doing very, very well! Woo!

no energy

Holy Cow. It’s been a month? I am so very bad at this blogging thing. I’m going to try to make this as straight forward and not-whiney as possible, mostly because I don’t have the energy for that but also to spare you. This is also going to be kind of convoluted; I can’t think very straight. (The dates are from 8/18 until today, if it helps.) Sorry this is so long. It’s been a tiring week. For those who want a condensed version, and possibly more frightening version, read the bolded parts.

OK, mostly I haven’t had much to say. I had the EMG and I stopped working out my lower body. Not much changed and I was doing ok. My lower back was still hurting and we scheduled an epidural to be shot into lower back to heal the nerves that have been causing my leg to feel like it’s in pain.

Then, last Thursday, I hurt my back. Not sure how, but I did. Left side, this time. So, now both sides of my back are in pain. I got icy-hot patches and started to take some old Tylenol-codeine (left over from when I hurt myself the first time, don’t worry…). That helped a lot, but I’m not a huge fan of just taking pills. However, they were necessary: I worked a double on Saturday and Sunday. Pills were essential.

Saturday morning was pretty bad pain-wise. Roy was very comforting and helpful, and I am grateful to him. Ok, he’s been really, really great all week. He’s the very, very best.

So there was that. Then Saturday night I had, don’t go crazy now, blood in my urine. I panicked. It really shook me. I did some research, and a UTI seemed likely (combined with some other symptoms I had). I felt better with that idea. I wasn’t sure, but it seemed like the least-horrible option (important note: I didn’t have blood in my urine except then, so I didn’t make a big deal of it...) Sunday I was feeling better and my back wasn’t as bad; I took less pills. By Monday it seemed like the possible-UTI symptoms were going away, but I made a doctor appointment for Wednesday.

Monday I was doing very well until I took a nap and woke up really stiff. I went to PT and was in a lot of pain. More pain than I had been in in a while. I couldn’t do e-stim because it was making my back spasm. We did ultrasound, ice, and really gentle massage. It was kind of horrible; it hurt a lot. I swung by work and tried to find someone to cover my shift for Tuesday but couldn’t. I knew there was absolutely no way I could serve. My manager (the most amazing manager ever) told me not to worry about it and that he’d take care of it.

Tuesday I did even less. I attempted to go grocery shopping but gave up quickly. I just didn’t have the energy. I slept a lot. Things were going decently enough until sometime around 2 am (ok, technically Wed. now). I awoke in a pool of sweat and started shivering uncontrollably. I called Roy (who was out with some friends, which I had been fine with) and begged him to come home. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t have a working thermometer because I’m sure it would have been shocking. We stuck me in the shower and I slowly got warm (yes, despite the fact that I was technically burning up). The problem I had was that the shivering was killing my back- it hurt an awful lot. I drank a bunch of fluids and we eventually got me back to bed.

Wednesday started uneventfully. I went to the doctor (no fever just then). He gave me meds for a UTI and said to call if my temperature went past 101. I went home, napped, and then went to PT. I started shivering as soon as I enter the building… not a good sign. We used heat (I couldn’t have taken ice) and did e-stim. I was still shivering. We started doing a really gentle massage, just to get blood flow going, but she stopped because she could feel the fever and you shouldn’t do massage when you have a fever. I left, glad to be out in the sun for once, and called Roy. I told him to get me a long sleeve shirt as I was very cold but needed to go to work. I swung by the house and got the shirt from Roy… only to find out that my lips were blue.

Roy called work for me and went to get a new thermometer. A temperature of 103.7 brought us to the ER. They gave me Tylenol and Motrin and had me stick around a while until my fever went down. They let me go after a bit and we grabbed dinner before going home. I went to bed. It was a sweaty, annoying night full of pills. That’s how today has been as well.

My fever is still down, I’m taking tons of pills, and I’m not working tonight, again. That’s what I’ve been up to. Mostly I'm just really tired and out of it. Thank for your love and support.

Unexpected Results

I recently had an MRI on my lower lumbar. The doctor who ordered it met with me for five minutes and said that everything looked fine. I was glad but confused: Why was I in pain if nothing was wrong? Fast forward: I ditched that doctor, got a new doctor, start physical therapy with them, and today I got an EMG.

An EMG involves testing the electrical activity of muscles. It can check for nerve damage, which was what we were checking. It was not fun. It didn’t hurt, but it was (no pun intended) shocking. It was really weird. Basically I had little electric currents shooting up my leg which made my feet twitch. Like I said, not painful, but rather unnerving (no pun intended…). It was bizarre having my feet spasm. I did not like it in the least. I got through it by rambling about my vacation plans; that helped a lot. Once that was done, small needles were poked into my legs, also sending shocks. The machine made small popping and crackling noises; I was informed that this was showing that there was something going on.

During the course of this I was talking to the nice technician (I’m not sure if she was a doctor or not). I told her that the last doctor said nothing was wrong according to the MRI. She said something was going on and mentioned that she thought the MRI report mentioned something was amiss but she couldn’t remember what the report said.

I about lost it. I was so mad. My emotions were already running high from the freaky shocks. To now learn that yes, something was indeed wrong, made me very mad. Mostly at my doctor: He couldn’t take one minute of the five minutes of our final appointment to tell me that? Seriously?? It still makes me angry. I had the MRI weeks ago. I would have changed my daily activities and work out, but I didn’t even know there was anything to worry about! I was so relieved that nothing was wrong I continued with my life.

After the EMG tests were done, the technician looked at the report. She confirmed her thoughts: The report showed that there was bulging between the L4 and L5 vertebrae. Now, this is nothing very serious: The bulging has put pressure on those nerves, which is why I’m in pain. It can be fixed with therapy and work.
As you can see, the L4 and L5 are at the base of the spine, exactly where my pain has been. The thigh hurts because the nerves go down the legs. Everything is connected!

What angers me is that the report showed a problem and the old doctor didn’t even mention it. I need to stop doing the lower-body exercises I’ve been doing and develop a new routine. Now, I don’t mind this, and I did it before, but I could have started to change weeks ago! It’s infuriating.

I feel a little better now. I know that this is nothing bad: It’s not herniated or anything. We can fix it. I just needed to get past my anger first. I am still annoyed, since what I’ve been doing exercise-wise also hasn’t helped.

Now I’m moving ahead with my day and looking forward to seeing my family and vacation.

Stupid Leg

I couldn't think of anything catchy for the title, so I got to the point.

I cut my work out short today. Not only that, but I used less weights all around. I almost didn't go today. I feel pretty pathetic.

I don't usually wake up in pain. Mornings are usually OK: the 'healing power of sleep' and all. Actually, I don't usually have pain. I am usually just uncomfortable, with soreness and annoyance being my main symptoms. As of recently, my lower back was doing a lot better. My thigh was the only area still bothering me. The past few days I have been worse: My lower back has pressure again and it is painful.

I empathize and sympathize with people with chronic pain. I believe that I will heal once we figure out what is wrong/what the cause is. Others are not so lucky. For example, my mother has a slew of health problems including fibromyalgia. In case you don't know, fibromyalgia is a long-tern, body-wide case of soreness and tenderness in the joints, tendons, and soft tissue. For some, a friendly embrace is excruciating. There is no cure, only treatment.

I am lucky. At the worst, my pain has only ever been a five. As I said before, I also am not usually in pain, only discomfort.

So, there's your update. I'm having a bad day physically. I am looking forward to physical therapy today.

Cute as a Button

I recently came to the realization that I have only a few more years of being cute. After 24 years of being cute, I won't be able to get away with the stuff I get away with. I bounce or dance around singing and sometimes making odd noises. I charm people with a smile.

I am sad about this and I don't know what to do. I mean, I've gotten away with being very silly for a long time. Yes, I know how to be serious, but I enjoy bee-bopping around singing to myself.

I've always been cute. No, it's not vanity: It's a fact. I have been told almost daily that I am cute. It must be true if people consistently say it. When I was a toddler I was told by a stranger how cute I was. My reply? "I know." It's not that I was a vain toddler; I had just been told numerous times how cute I was. It was no longer a compliment at that point, but fact. (Photos confirm I was pretty adorable.)

So my question is, what happens to me? I don't think I'll be able to just bounce around. There comes a time when you stop being a cute twenty-something and start being a batty woman who needs to grow up. It makes me sad.

I suppose I'll just need to have a child to make noises with and sing to. Then I'll be allowed to be silly, because I will be bonding with my child. Yeah, seems like a solid plan!

The Doctor is... Fired.

I am looking for a new neurologist. I have seen my current one, for my leg/back, twice. Both times I was there for about an hour. The first time I saw him about 10 minutes, the second time was 5. I was pissed. Why on Earth should I wait that long to barely talk to someone? I don't even think he was really listening. Now I'm going to go to a new doctor. I need an EMG, apparently, to see if I have nerve damage since my leg is still sore. He wasn't sure why he didn't have me do that in the first place, but I suppose he was stuck on getting an MRI.

Honestly, I haven't been thrilled with the practice. The doctor is the biggest issue. The building was built and decorated in the 70s, which I could overlook. I believe that professional buildings should look like they've kept up with the times. It gives me confidence that what they are doing to me is modern and helpful and not archaic. The coupling of a doctor that makes me wait in a building that would be complete with shag carpeting is maddening.

The rest of the staff in the physical therapy side is nice enough and I am glad to have made progress. Still, I give THEM the credit and not the neurologist. I wouldn't recommend him to anyone.

The MRI was Monday and showed nothing conclusive. I haven't herniated a disc, though, which is great. The EMG is to check for nerve damage. Perhaps this will get us somewhere.

So, I am getting a new doctor. I have physical therapy again on Friday and I will get my records and drive to a new doctor. They won't schedule me until I give them my records. I'll be glad to tell the my current doctors why I want them. I can only hope they ask. It does make me wonder if I will be able to keep going to PT. If I can't, then I'll go back to my original therapist, whom I like better anyway.

Or, I'll just cut off my leg. Then I get to park close to stores!

Please, Sir, I want some more...

For the past couple of weeks I have been gassy and bloated. I wondered if I became lactose-intolerant, so I have given up milk. I thought I would know after a few days. However, apparently I must be dairy-free for two weeks in order to know for sure. Two weeks. TWO WEEKS.

It sucks. I've gotten some lactose-free milk and it's not so bad. One brand (name escapes me, but it isn't Lactaid) is nice and creamy. I currently have Lactaid, but once it's gone I'll be switching back. The problem is that cheese and butter also fall into this category. It also just occurred to me that I had ranch the other day. Way to go, Stef! The biggest hit has been (besides chocolate) the meal I wanted to eat otnight for dinner: Broccoli Cheese Chicken. This delicious recipe calls for milk, soup, and lots of cheese. It didn't hit me that I couldn't eat the meal until I started making it. How annoying and disappointing. I love this meal and I can't even eat it.

I made it anyway, though. I will have to make sacrifices, so why not start now? I made a separate meal for myself. Though satisfying, it was lacking the cheesy deliciousness I craved.

The biggest thing, though, is the lack of chocolate. I need to look into this. I miss my chocolate.

On the positive side, I've started baking again. Vegetable oil can easily be substituted for butter, so I don't have to worry about dairy! :)

The Pursuit of Health

I have not being feeling healthy lately. I’ve bloated and gassy, feeling simply like there was a problem internally. At first I thought it was due to “that-time-of-the-month” and eating too many (delicious!) baked goods. I waited until after my week was up and baked less. When that didn’t help I determined a few days ago to eat a ton less sugar. This wouldn’t be too hard, but I do like my chocolate. And ice cream. And nutella. And a Nutri-Grain bar when I’m feeling puckish. And the occasional soda. And sugar in my coffee and green tea.

You see the problem. Honestly, the Nutella, Nutri-Grain bar, and soda are easily not consumed. The chocolate and ice cream are harder. Sugar is, for me, a requirement for coffee and green tea; they are too bitter otherwise. The green tea is easy, though: Honey is a natural sugar substitute and we have a stevia plant. The leaves are sweet and thus a natural sugar. Coffee has been trickier, so I just haven’t had any.

Of course, my giving up of sugar requires that I do not bake. I find it very hard not to sample my baked goods. It has to be something that I truly do not like in order for me to not try it. Usually, though, I’m curious enough to try it or, if I really don’t like what I’m baking (such as anything caramel), I’ll try the dough/batter before I add the ingredient I dislike. I can’t win! It’s hard being a fabulous baker.

Regardless, I have begun my no-sugar-for-a-week experiment. I can’t say I’m feeling better. I think I developed a milk allergy.

*Cue dramatic fall to knees, fist raising, and woeful “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”*

This is a bigger problem than the sugar. I love milk. I was raised on milk. Everyday I eat cereal with milk. I usually have a glass of milk with at least one meal. I love peanut butter, and peanut butter and milk need each other. I like to just drink a glass of milk. I’m a fan of chocolate milk. I currently have a gallon and half of milk in my fridge. I go through milk faster than I go through the jug of water I have.

Again, you see the problem. I love milk. However, bloating and bad gas go hand-in-hand with milk intolerance. My sister has been on-again, off-again lactose intolerant for years. My cousin and grandma also have a love-hate milk relationship. It fits.

Thus begins my no-milk experiment. I am saddened by the fact that something I love may be hurting me. Ah, how tragic. The frugal part of me is also sad: I mentioned I have 1 ½ gallons of milk. I alone in my house will drink it, because Roy and his sister (staying for the summer) drink whole milk and I drink skim; these borders do not cross. Now I’m stuck with milk that I may not be able to drink AND I have to go buy new, more expensive milk substitute! It’s upsetting.

I’m not trying to dis almond milk or anything; I just don’t want to waste my milk. I’ll have to find someone to give it to as well as buy new products.

So much drama and sacrifice to feel healthier. It’s no wonder people don’t stick to diets; it sucks giving up what you love. Wish me luck on these endeavors!

It's been a while

It's been a while since I last wrote. I apologize. I've been procrastinating. It's not like I've been doing all that much or anything. I've been baking a lot and I got into scrapbooking. School is out so I'm at Ruby Tuesday working. I'm currently a hostess and bartender and I sometimes serve.

The biggest thing is that I'm back in physical therapy. I mentioned to Tony that my pubis had been hurting and he told me to get an MRI and see a neurologist. The place I went to has their own physical therapy so we started that again. They think it may be my back as well as the sciatic nerve. It's rather annoying, really. Luckily my MRI is tomorrow, so I guess we will see! The pain has lessened, at least. I was having a lot of pressure/discomfort in my lower back, but that's less frequent. My thigh is still sore most days and my piriformis still likes to act up, but we're working with it.

I'll be better with updating, I promise.

Physical Therapy Update

I just had my physical therapy re-evaluation. The past four weeks have been very interesting and I am getting better. My thigh doesn’t constantly hurt, which is great. During PT we have a routine: I hop on an exercise bike for ten minutes then I do certain stretches and exercises, which I also do at home on non-PT days. I do bridges, side leg lifts, the Superman, different leg stretches and yoga moves, and I can do core work on a ball. Then we have about 20 minutes of manual release, basically a massage, followed by 10 minutes of stair-stepper, 5 minutes of sliding back and forth on a plastic slider, and sometimes 15 minutes of electronic stimulation wherever it hurts. Recently the manual release has been a butt massage, sort of. There’s a certain spot on my piriformis muscle that is quite unhappy on my right side.

Let’s pause for an anatomy lesson!

The piriformis muscle goes across the buttocks and moves as your leg swings during walking and other activities. When your leg swings back and forth your glute muscles OR your hip flexor is at work; one shuts off, well, relaxes, while the other does its job. Not so with the piriformis. If this muscle gets really tight then it can put pressure on the nerve that runs down the back of the leg. This is not a great thing.

Ok, back to me and my issues (not that this post could even begin to cover those… haha). There is a certain spot on my piriformis on the right side that hurts a lot when the physical therapists do their thing. (Real quick: The intern who started with me was Becky. She went back to school last week and now a new intern, Kate, works with me.) Tony (the main physical therapist), told Kate my trouble spots and she has been working with the piriformis the most. It’s amazing how much this little spot hurts. It doesn’t hurt as much as the pubis spot, but it’s a sharper pain. Sometimes it feels like she’s sticking me with pins. I have a really tight spot that she works with. She can feel the muscle desponding to her pressure, which is good because all I feel pain for the most part. While the right side has pain, the left side is doing pretty well.

Usually Becky, and now Kate, does the myofascial release. Tony did it once last week, and holy cow was it intense. He said, “Good myofascial release should leave bruises.” Well, I didn’t get bruises, but I was sore afterwards, but in a good way.

Very randomly this past Sunday I awoke with hip pain. I thought that I had just slept on it wrong, so I moved my hips around, trying to fix it. Bad idea. It felt like I had slipped it out of place or something else painful, so I lay down for an hour. That fixed it, and I forgot about it. Monday morning I awoke again with the same pain, but this time I didn’t try to fix it. I’m not stupid. It felt painful if I tried to fully extend my legs in either direction, as if my hip was out of place. Luckily I was able to walk it out.

I’ve started to add 20-30 minutes worth of jogging/walking to my routine. So far it is going well. Once I pushed myself a few times and ran for a few minutes, which was a horrible idea. I was wicked sore later. Although I cannot yet do full squats and lunges (and by that I mean I’ve been told not to), I can now add half-squats and half-lunges to my work outs.

My pain is migrating between the butt area and my thigh. Tony says that the pain moving upward from thigh to butt is good. The other day the physical therapist found a huge knot in my thigh and worked on it. It was not comfortable.

Now that my month is up I am done with working with the physical therapist. For the next week or so I will work out and stretch by myself. I will also go to the physical therapist to work out there where they can monitor me and answer questions. If I don’t continue to heal then I will get manual therapy again.

I’ll admit to being a little hesitant. Although I am better I am not healed. I’m glad that I’ll be under their supervision still.

PT Update

I have done my first two days of physical therapy. So far it has gone well. My thigh feels a lot better. Other things are kind of sore, but they say that that is good. Yesterday they rotated my pelvis on the left side; that hurt this morning. For the past two sessions they have used ultrasound waves on the SI and pubis. Remember how I said they were poking my pubis on Friday and it hurt a lot? Well, that area was super sore through the weekend. Now it is better! I’m not sure if it is aligned now, but I think they will give it a few days before testing the symmetry, to let inflammation go down.

Although I was told not to do lunges and squats, I can walk and ride my bike. Tony also told me to jog before next Monday and see how that goes.

On the whole, PT has gone well and I am looking forward to more progress!

Please don't amputate!

Remember how a month ago I posted about my right thigh being sore? I described how I hurt myself last year and apparently re-injured myself. Well, I finally decided to go to a physical therapist. I figured a few weeks’ worth of myofascial release and I’d be good as new. That was the plan, anyway. I went to a local PT and told him, Tony, what happened last year. He did movement with my legs and showed me how much tighter my right thigh/hip is than the left. He did a serious of poking, prodding, and feeling, which resulted in me learning that the area of my right thigh is a lot sorer than I though. (It’s also larger, perhaps from swelling.) Basically I was lying on my side while he put pressure on various spots of my outer leg, starting at the hip, moving down to my knee, then back up. It hurt. He did this on the left side, using more pressure, but it hurt a lot less. Tony was talking to an intern, Becky, all the while, so she was also poking me. At one point they had me lie on my back and were putting pressure on my sacroiliac joint (SI)- basically my lower back. The pressure applied on my right side hurt enough to almost bring tears. The pressure on my left side was not a problem. (Then they proceeded to go back and forth feeling these two areas; not at all pleasant.) Apparently they were feeling a ‘string’ on the right side which wasn’t present on the left. Here’s a picture of what they were poking at.

Tony had Becky and I go to a back room so that she could measure my legs and do a few other things that I guess Tony wasn’t 100% comfortable doing (ok with me). We determined that my left leg is about 1 cm longer than my right. This doesn’t really matter, since it’s such a small difference. Becky then moved on to poke around the hip/groin area. Tony had instructed her to feel the pubis bone and see if it was level. The pubis is the joint in the front of the pelvis where the two halves of the pelvis join. As you can see in the picture below, the joint has two small protrusions. If they aren’t even then it can cause pain.

So, Becky starts applying pressure. The right side felt fine, but the pressure applied to the left side brought tears to my eyes. I don’t know why it hurt so badly, but it did. I asked if that was bad, and she said it wasn’t what she was expecting. Remember, it’s my RIGHT side that is causing discomfort. Of course, she keeps applying pressure, then Tony did after, so today that area is sore like I have a bad bruise. We go back to the main area and Tony instructs me to lie on my back. He puts my right foot on his shoulder and tells me to push hard against him. Then he tells me to relax and basically knees me in the butt. I responded with an, “Oh!” and he said, “Did you feel a pop?” “No, you surprised me!” I said. So we do this once or twice again and then I flip to my stomach. He raises my leg and bends it at the knee, saying to push down on his hand. Then I relax, and he knees me again. I’m not sure why we did this, but it was kind of funny. So, what was accomplished? They think something in my SI has slipped, causing the pain. I have no idea what I did to myself. As for the pubis thing, again, no idea why it hurt so much when the applied pressure. I will be going back three times a week for PT for the next month. They mentioned an ultrasound in passing, so I’m not sure what the plan is. Hopefully I will be fixed!

Clouds on a Sunny Day

I’m sorry I haven’t been blogging lately. Truthfully, I have been sort of avoiding it. I haven’t been motivated enough to even copy and paste some stuff I have written and am saving, because I have wanted to get something off my chest. Well, here we go.

I went to the wake and funeral of a four-year-old boy recently. It was devastating and traumatic. No one should have to bury their baby. My heart aches for the family, but especially for the parents. They have gone almost a month and are taking each day as they can. This next year will be hard for them and full of firsts: Already the boy’s birthday has gone by, and I can only imagine it was a very sad day.

This loss has affected me in a way I didn’t expect. The trauma and sadness has altered my brain’s chemical balance. I have a history of clinical depression and was on medication for five years or so. In 2005 I went off meds in order to fly. I have done well since then. In fact, for the past few years I have been quite joyful and happy the majority of the time. It was wonderful. Even unhappiness was quickly resolved.

Since the funeral I have not been the same. I have been more stressed and moody, growing sad or agitated over little things. There are other times that I am content enough and times when I am happy, but the underlying joy, which has been present for so long, is missing.

For a week I was almost back to my old self, but then I started a two-week sub job which chaotic at first and it pushed me backward.

I believe that what I am feeling now is what everyone else feels most days. Sure, I’m not depressed in the way that most people are depressed, but I am not the same. I could be content and get along with life, but truthfully, I’m sick of it. I want my joy back.

I want to sing and smile for no reason other than I’m alive. I want to brush off the trivial things. I want to contemplate my circular thoughts, going over little details and getting no conclusion.

I used to be so happy for no reason. It was a great way to live. I’m sick of being in the state of mind I’m in.

I’ve started to take a pill that has 5-HTP and other serotonin-altering ingredients. Serotonin levels are what monitors happiness. If it doesn’t work then I will look into Wellbutrin, the anti-depressant I was on.

Going back on medication raises another problem: Flying. I had to have all my doctors write letters to the FAA and I was on probation for a year to prove that I did not need medication. Going back on medication is not going to help anything, and I might not be able to fly again. Sure, I’ll have to look more into it to be sure, but I don’t think the prospects look good.

This isn’t as devastating as it could have been. I no longer dream of being a professional pilot; I’ve moved on. However, I did want to take up flying again as a hobby. I’ll have to go through the petitioning again, which I will definitely do, but it is a nuisance.

In the mean time, I’m taking the supplement. If it doesn’t work, I’ll get a prescription.

I’ve also decided to start acting as if I were joyful, the way I should be acting. Perhaps a change of attitude will help. The only problem is apathy. Sometimes, you just don’t care and can’t see a good reason to do something, or you do see the reason and want to do it but you lack the motivation.

Well, enough is enough. I can’t stand the echo of ‘me’ and I’m doing something about it. Starting today, no more excuses! I will make myself happy and change my life.

Beware the Ides of March

Yesterday, March 15, 2010, was a crazy day. I suppose it could only be expected: Historically, it was the Ides of March, the day Julius Caesar was killed. It was also supposed to be the day the world was going to end, according to the rumors on Facebook; at the very least, Facebook was supposed to crash or something.

Although neither the world nor Facebook ended, it was not a happy day in my world. It started out just fine and I ran several errands. Then I went home to relax before work. About that time I got a phone call with some very bad news. A four year old boy I knew had passed away. Out of respect for the family I will not mention who he is; it is still too much of a shock.

Of all the phone calls I have ever received, I don’t think one has ever shaken me so much. How could a child, so young, be dead so suddenly? It’s devastating. I think the worst part is that the family had so little time with their son.

Monday night the boy awoke from a bad dream and started to cry. His mother brought him to her room. He had a seizure, stopped breathing, and lost consciousness. He was brought to a hospital and put on life support. When he was stable they brought him to the local children’s hospital. He never regained consciousness and was determined to be brain dead. I can’t even imagine the heart-wrenching decision of the next step. The family has decided to donate his organs to those who need them. Hopefully someone can be saved in this little boy’s place.

I called Roy and told him the news. It was the first of a lot of bad news. Roy told me that one of his coworkers had also gone to the hospital that day because he had stopped breathing. Luckily the waterpark Roy works at has proper equipment to handle this type of thing and they were able to stabilize him by the time the ambulance arrived. I also found out that a friend was beaten up by her ex-boyfriend. Then I found out that a coworker had gotten into a bad accident (she, at least, was doing much better).

By the end of the day my emotions were kind of shot. How does such a simple day, full of errands and contentment, become so crazy? I had spent my day shopping and exploring antique stores. I had found a dog and returned him to his grateful owners. I bought a few nice things for myself. Until 2 pm I had had a great day.

At least in the midst of all the bad news I learned one good thing: A coworker, who is eight months pregnant, was going to marry her fiancé with a simple service. They married today. I am going to make them a cake when I get the chance.

This news gave me hope. Despite all the bad things I had heard, one of my friends had a good thing happen to her. It made me happy. The world will continue, and all personal problems will be healed with time and patience. I am grateful for the love and support of my family, and I know that I will be healed as well.

It's never Lupus.

About a year ago I hurt myself during an exercise class. My right upper thigh started hurting. At first I didn’t think much of it: This class often left me sore and we were doing a ton of leg exercises, mostly lunges. It was during one lunge that I felt something odd. I figured I had simply overstretched or something, so I eased up and then rested for a few days. It’s not like this was some new exercise regimen, either, as I had been taking the class twice a week or so months. Like I said, I didn’t think much of it. The problem was that my thigh wasn’t feeling any better and was a little worse. I stopped working out my lower body. I even got crutches, thinking complete rest might help. It didn’t. My thigh still gave me pain and my knee had started to hurt.

After way too long of a time I went to the doctor. We did some sort of x-ray or scan and, of course, found nothing. The discomfort was enough that I was given some medicine. He had me stop using crutches and get physical therapy. By chance I went to a myofascial therapist. She had me walk around a little while studying me, and determined that my muscle had bunched up toward my hip area, which was also giving me the knee pain.

For those who don’t know, myofascial is formed from the words “myo,” meaning muscle tissue, and “fascia,” meaning the connective tissue in and around the muscle tissue. Myosfascial release is a soft tissue therapy and works by relaxing contracted muscles, increasing circulation, and basically stretching and moving the muscles. It can be used for a series of ailments from infertility to fibromyalgia.

The therapist said it was a good thing I happened to choose them because a regular physical therapist wouldn’t have been much help. She then had me lie down and proceeded to almost give me a massage. She pressed and pushed muscles with varying degrees of force and not just on my leg. She did other part of my body, such as my lower back and even shoulders. The therapist gave me a few simple stretches to do at home to help as well. After a few sessions I was good as new. I was able to go back to the gym, albeit at a slower pace.

Life was great. Roy and I got married and we moved down to Florida. I didn’t join a gym but continued to work out at home. My workouts were lacking, though, due to the fact that I wasn’t doing cardio and I wasn’t going to a crazy work out class on a weekly basis. Still, I kept it up.

Then I decided to follow the Couch-to-5K (C-2-5K) program, a running schedule for beginners designed to get you from the couch to running three miles in two months. You run three times a week and gradually build up your endurance. If you need to drag out a week you easily can. The first week is pretty low impact: five minute warm up followed by 20 minutes worth of alternating walking and jogging.

I was excited. I figured I could get myself to the ERAU gym (free use for alum!) and use the treadmill. I don’t do well running outside as the thickness of the air and humidity leaves me wheezing. I started last week, successfully completing days one and two without a hitch. Friday I had a long day of subbing and then hosting. Then I had a double on Saturday. I planned on doing day three on Sunday.

The problem was that, by the end of Saturday, I noticed my legs were really tired. Specifically, my right upper thigh. I chalked it up to long hours, bad support, and the need to stretch during work. Yesterday, Sunday, I noticed only my thigh was bugging me. Not a lot, but not the sore muscle feeling of running. It also didn’t make sense that only my thigh was sore.

Then today it hit me: This pain and discomfort is the same as last year’s, only not as bad.

Let me tell you how much this sucks. I finally start a running program to get in better shape, and I hurt myself almost immediately. It’s almost ironic. Mostly annoying, though, because I was really looking forward to running and having great workouts like I used to before I came to Florida. Maybe someday I’d do a marathon. I at least hoped that I could get my thighs under control.

Now I am resigned to not run. I’m going to try a walking regimen and an elliptical machine when I do go to the gym. I’m not as excited, but I think I’ll walk on the beach to make it more interesting. Hopefully I can do this without issue.




Link to C-2-5K: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
Link about myofascial therapy: http://www.myofascialtherapy.org/myofascial-therapy/index.html

Chocolate Goodness

Recently I've been baking on Sundays and brining the finished product to work on Mondays. This works out perfectly: I feed my baking addiction and then my co-workers get rid of it for me! Usually the goods are halfway gone 10 minutes after I've set them out. Talk about efficiency. I've been getting creative: I made two different trifles and then I had to make truffles because my manager kept calling the trifle a truffle. Obviously I had to hammer into her the difference.

Trifles, for those who don't know, are layered, goey masterpieces. You use cake, pudding, CoolWhip, and cookies. You can get really creative with flavors, given that cake, cookies, and pudding come in a variety of flavors.

Truffles, on the other hand, are little balls of deliciousness. The simplest are rolled balls of chocolate ganache covered in cocoa powder. Of course, professional chocolatiers such as Godiva and Lindt can make a creamy or liquid center. My truffles were more simple than that. I used chocolate ganache (cream and chocolate, melted then cooled) and then added to them.

My favorite were the chocolate truffles rolled in cocoa powder. Simple. Decadent. Amazing.

I also made espresso truffles, which were very dark and bitter. I loved them, given that I love dark, dark chocolate.

I also made a flavor that I don't like, but which was very popular: Salted caramel with a chocolate coating. Many loved these. Personally, I don't like caramel OR salt! I also added too much salt; luckily they were some salt-fans in the house.

Lastily I made some non-truffles: White chocolate coconut mounds. These were the most popular. (They were also the easiest: Just melted chocolate and toasted coconut!) I have to make these again soon.

Gamers Unite!

Roy and I don't really go out that much. I only get two evenings off a week plus I get up a 5 am on weekdays, so it's not like I have a ton of late-night options. Half the time I work doubles on Saturday, so I'm not about to go crazy Friday night after work.

I miss going out, but Roy and I have started a nice collection of games. We play a game once a week or so. Scrabble, cards, puzzles... It's nice just sitting around with your love playing a game and drink tea or a glass of wine at the end of a long day. It's a date night in. We recently bought Pass the Pig (I won 4 out of five games we played!). Next we want Settlers of Catan. Target had it for $42 (Toys R Us didn't have it at all) so I'm checking Wal-Mart today to see if they have it cheaper.

I love playing games with friends, too: What beats Apples and Apples or Cranium with a great group? We recently had another couple over, first playing Jenga and then Cranium. They had such a good time they bought Cranium the next day, which I find really amusing.

I guess my point is, staying in with friends and playing games is a great way to spend the evening and a lot cheaper than going out. :)

On Cleaning and Life

I recently let the cleanliness of my kitchen get out of hand. It was a disaster area. Dirty dishes everywhere. No food out, though, because we at least put that away. It's amazing how quickly a kitchen can become a wreck.

Then I cleaned it. Clean dishes went away. I loaded and ran the dishwasher, then washed some left over dishes by hand. Then I put all of those things away. I cleaned the counters and the sink (which is white porcelain). Roy decided to mop the floors and vacuum.

A clean kitchen does wonders. I just walked in to get a simple glass of water and I was so happy to do so. It was almost calming. Here was this nicely ordered, clean area, and I had been a major part of that.

This is very much like life. If even one element of life is disorganized it can out a damper on the rest of your life. You don't want to mess with that area, but in doing that the rest of your life suffers. When you finally give it the attention it deserves you have balance. The rest of your life seems better as well, all because you cleaned house.

A balanced life is crucial to well being. That's probably why I think so much: about the inconsequential and the mundane as well as the important things. I think about the future; I make plans; I think about religion, sometimes the world. Sometimes I think very hard about something silly; when I realize this it's like a welcomed splash of water.

True, I often have circular conversations with myself, but I like that: I think about all the possibilities and then come to the conclusion that I may have no concrete conclusion. I'm OK with this. In truth, I am content with this because most of the things I think about leave me at peace, regardless of the conclusion (or lack thereof). At least I'm thinking, right? Some people don't get that far.

Ta-Da!

I feel so accomplished. It's not even 7 am and I've done a lot. I woke up just before 5 am. I exercised for 20 minutes. Showered/dressed/etc. I made lunch. I emptied and loaded the dishwasher. I baked a cake. I made coffee. I have updated my blog and I'm about to leave for a day of subbing and then a few hours of hosting at RT. Later on I will make a trifle with the cake I made. What a day!

Not going to lie, I feel kind of smug right about now. I hope you all have an awesome day, too!

Inhale, Exhale, Repeat

I used to be pretty fit. I used to attend a gym regularly. I used to go to classes at a gym. Then I moved to Florida and that all changed. While I like to work out at home, my routine isn't getting me far because I'm missing something vital: Cardio. I haven't done any cardio in a while. Not really, anyway. I mean, I have a routine that gets my heart going, but it's not like running on a treadmill. The problem is that I have no treadmill.

A while ago, Roy and I decided to start running (jogging, technically) in the evenings. It kind of worked. For a month or so. There were a few problems. One, Roy has longer legs than I do and I couldn't keep pace with him. Two, running in the thick, humid air of Florida did nothing for my lungs. I'd be wheezing and red as a tomato by the time we were done. We abandoned jogging.

I've decided to give it another go. I'm going to get up right before 5 am and do a work out or go jogging. I am hoping that I will be able to build a tolerance to the air, or something.

Yup, 5 am. Let that sink in a second. The sun is not out. Birds are snoozing. The bunnies are awake, but they're the only ones. Horrible time, huh? The problem is that I work most weekdays and 4-5 evenings a week. This does not give me a lot of time to work out. Hopefully rising at this time will give me a fighting chance to get in better shape.

Today I did my first try at cardio, although it was this afternoon. I alternated between walking and jogging. For the last little bit I ran. Then I almost threw up. Pathetic, huh? I'm not sure what happened. However, it was nice. It was 70 degrees out (humidity at 70%, ugh) and the sun in the late afternoon wasn't too horrible (for now...).

We'll see how tomorrow morning goes. Wish me luck!

The Passion of the Redhead

I am currently reading The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien. I recently read The Hobbit. The world that Tolkien created has long been loved by readers and scholars alike. Tolkien worked with the world of Middle-earth for almost 60 years, from 1916 until he died in 1973. During that time he created languages, histories, and cultures for a variety of races that dwell in his world. His books had several editions and Tolkien’s son, Christopher, published books on Middle-earth after the death of his father. The amount of time, energy, passion, and care that went into the forming and refining of Middle-earth is mind boggling. Tolkien had a family and worked as a professor at Oxford, yet still found time to immerse himself in his books.

The passion Tolkien had for Middle-earth is evident. It also gives one reason to pause for reflection: Is there anything in my life that I am that passionate about? Honestly, no. Nothing in my life consumes me in such a way. However, I am alright with this. I have my hobbies and my pursuits, with some things I like to do and even love to do more than others.

I am not a passionate person. I am too level-headed and, at the same time, too lazy to be passionate about one thing or many things. On the one hand, I don’t see a reason, personally, to invest myself in this way. I can be enthusiastic about things and feel fulfillment from them. For example, I love aviation and flying, but there are some people who can name an airplane just by listening to the engine. They are passionate about aviation in a way that I will never be. This is where the second part of my argument comes in: I am too lazy to invest that much of my time into learning the nuances of anything.

It should be noted that I am not a lazy person. When it comes to working and my hobbies, I learn what I need to learn to be good and then I learn how to improve myself. I have taken a photography class and I work at making my art better. I experiment with my art. However, I don’t study the works of other photographers, I don’t own many lenses, and I have not pursued it as a profession. I love photography, but I do not live-eat-breathe photography.

I do believe, though, that when I have a family I will be passionate about them. My children and husband will be my world and I will immerse myself in them. I look forward to this I know that, when my time comes to be passionate, I will do well.

So much to do!

I really need to do better at posting here. It's not like I have nothing to say, because I do. I think of things to post all the time... and then don't. Here's an update on life!

Last post I talked about the big plans Roy and I made for the house. I am happy to say that we have accomplished/started them.

The sunroom hasn't been completely emptied, but we are working on it. (Not that it was a huge mess or anything, but we just haven't finished it). We haven't gotten a console table yet, but I think that's ok, given that we have a TON of seedlings going! We still have the herbs, and I am glad to say that the chives are thriving. The cilantro is doing well, but the parsely isn't doing as well. I also planted flowers to be planted in a month or two: Sweet pea and morning glory to grow on the chain link fence in front of the house, portulaca, verbena, impatiens, and two types of marigolds. The morning glory are doing very well- they are 3-4 inches already and have roots. I'm going to have to plant them in a pot very soon! Roy has also started sweet banana peppers, bell peppers, and two types of tomatoes. I also have some bulbs, which I really need to plant soon. I got two types of amarylis and daylilies.

The compost heap is still a pile of, well, stuff. It takes a while to get going. Roy set up two circular areas for us to grow the herbs and veggies. The flowers will go out front.

Recycling paper has been going well since I got a small trash can for paper only. Roy doesn't remember as often as I do.

We did end up moving the bookcases into a small L between the living room and dining area. Ir's a subtle change that we really like. I got some spray paint and we are painting some of our mix-matched tables black. One is currently drying, and it looks great. I'll be glad when things are more cohesive.

OK that's all for the house! It's been a lot of fun turning it into our home. :)